Dave the Jerk

Stimulus Checks

Posted on May 27, 2008 in Home

So, were getting a bunch of free money. Which of course we will probably be taxed for later on in the year. Well me and my friends are planning on spending our stimulus checks on quite a creative way. Make sure you stay updated because it will be HUGE! This is going to get national media coverage, if it doesn't Im sure it will be notorious on YouTube. For now its code named Project Scorpio. I haven't got mine yet and according to some tracking system the government used I was supposed to get mine a few weeks ago. Well anyway, Im getting 600 dollars, what oh what are you going to do with your stimulus check?

This makes me Sick

Posted on May 26, 2008 in Home

I came across this a few weeks ago and I figured today would be a good day to pay tribute to all the men and women serving this country. This is a story about a soldier whos melanoma, was misdiagnosed for a "wart". This story is both disturbing and completely sick. This is the thanks that you get for serving, and giving your life to your country. Dont watch if your having a good day. Heres the article

Make your car run on water!!!

Posted on May 23, 2008 in Home

This is amazing, I've actually been reading into this article and system which explains in lamens terms how to add an average of 25% more mpg to your car. Any kind of car works, and is suitable for the WATER4GAS system

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Sketchy People

Posted on May 23, 2008 in Home

So Im at my local mall today, and I decide to go into GNC, the most over priced, inflated supplement store in the f*cking world, and I want a protein bar. So as I was making my purchase I had noticed the guy behind the register was just a shady mother f*cker, writing sh*t down in a notebook. So I pay with my credit/debit card, and it fails to scan. So he asks me for the card and then proceeds to turn around and write something in his notebook with my card in his hand. So Im like W T F. This f*cking f*ck could possibly be a middle man in retreiving and relaying credit/debit card numbers to a friend, in which runs up all sorts of purchases under my name. Today f*cking sucked. So being the paranoid f*ck that I am, I went to my bank and had them freeze the account and close out the card after the last payment goes through. Hopefully Im just a paranoid f*ck and nothing happens. Rule of thumb, always wear a condom, and never talk to sketchy people, the result is always the same. Sketchiness. f*ckin hope he eats a poisoned protein bar. Miserable f*ck.

Drama 101

Posted on May 21, 2008 in Home

Women + Drama = Headache / Stupidy - Time * X days = N hours before break up. In part its simple, Girls love drama. Has your girlfriend ever argued or fought with you just so they can break up for a few days then get back together and act like everything is ok. Drama sticks to chicks like flys to sh*t. And heres a little secret; They Love IT, no not sh*t, Drama.

Site Update

Posted on May 19, 2008 in Home

I added a forum which you can check out HERE. I've also added a Comments system which I'm currently working the bugs out of. For now you can just leave a comment at the bottom of the page, please bear with me on these updates. This is my first site so if it sucks, f*ck you is all I can say to you. Have a horrible day you f*cks.

Doggystyle

Posted on May 13, 2008 in Home

Yea im hard at work on the doggystyle song and video. Its gonna top the charts, look out Leona Lewis.

Children

Posted on May 9, 2008 in Home

I hope I have huge fat obese kids, so I can call them fat everyday.

Blowing Whistles

Posted on May 8, 2008 in Home

Ok this is really fun. On a nice day go to Dicks or Walmart and pick up the sickest whistle you can find, you need 2 people for this. Next go to a nearby city or town that you dont live in, dont do it where you live. Pick your demographic carefully, if you dont want to get shot. Then drop the windows and blow your whistle at pedestrians. This may sound juvinille and it is really, but you wont believe how much fun it is.

Doing Good Deeds

Posted on May 4, 2008 in Home

Well folks its come as no suprise to me that the world is f*cked up. To make it a better place for all of us, go do something good. You know all those old pornos you have lying around. Dont just throw them away, donate a few to a neighborhood retard. Or do what I used to do with them:

Strategically place the porno mag on their door step or in their car if a window is open.

Put them in their mailbox, this could be illegal, check out the federal law.

Place them Fight Club style one at every other doorway.

Take a picture or record the event the real thing you want to get is their facial reaction. Send it to me and Ill post it. Have fun and do good.

Dreams

Posted on May 3, 2008 in Home

I must be on the virge of doing something cool. For the past 3 days I've been having this f*cked up dream where I kill people. Its always at a pier and for some reason its the 3 main characters from Jaws that I kill. Each day I kill them the same. Im pissed off and I just off them one by one, Redrum style only with a scythe. The last f*cker takes a while to die, keeps asking me why Im killing him. Obviously cause I am pissed off. Anyone else have dreams like that? What the f*ck does it mean?

Myspace

Posted on May 1, 2008 in Home

I f*cking HATE myspace.