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If so, I think I can help. Ever seen American Idol? Ever seen a fat famous person? I haven't Whys that? Because no one wants to see fat people. Its pretty unsightly to be honest. I am here to help every fat person that reads this. Its a new diet called "Super Fast Fat Loss Program", celebrities from rockstars to movie stars are doing it. Basically all you do is cocaine. I don't advocate the use of any illegal substances but, its a proven product that works. Once the government figures out a way to tone down the level of addiction and formulate a lesser high from coca plant, Im sure they will legalize this form of it and regulate it to make a ton of money.
Not to mention coke is such a profitable business, I mean who wouldnt want to be a Columbian druglord. Ever seen Scarface?
Who the f*ck doesnt want to be like Tony Montana?
Last night as well as this week for Cobra was just totally non-productive. I should rename this Project Grow Balls.
Ever think about birth? You got a f*ckin living thing comming out of you. Cute little shits, but they creep me out. The worst thing about babies is "pregnancy". Your girlfriend or wife or prostitute blows up, some are lucky and are all belly. As for the rest, them bitches gain anywhere between 15-100 pounds. Ever look at a pregnant chicks belly, its hypnotizing. Its like the sun you wanna keep looking but after a few seconds it burns, only with pregnant chicks you just wanna vommit. Not to mention the vag becomes totally destroyed after a natural pregnancy. My buddy says sex with his totally hot girlfriend blows now, says its lke throwing a hot dog down a hallway. Says its like a cave. Your a f*cking jerk Dave.
Stay tuned for Project Cobra, this is my expirement with a human being, male 22, codename Cobra. With my guidence and f*cked up thought process Im going to turn Cobra (the classic "nice guy") into a complete asshole which, degridates women, and uses them for the sex objects they are, and to which utilize the "asshole bad boy" persona to take on a new self. This could get ugly. Much more on this soon.
Prostitution is a great business plan for women who aren't going anywhere in life. I mean cmon its a very profitable business, if I was a woman I'd probably be one. Think about it, theres nearly no start up costs, and guys are always horny. So you need money tonight, you go out bang a few handicaps, make some money. It might sound f*cked up, but, thats because it is. In no way to I advocate you yong female readers to become a prostitute if you fail out of elementary school, but it is worth mentioning to your parents as a serious profession.
Yea I hate Paris Hilton! Shes actually planning on marrying Good Charlotte rocker Benji Madden, which I might add she isn't even engaged to. Oh and guess what shes doing it for? Publicity, so she can sell the pictures. She will probably pull it off and make tons of bank off it. Thats why I hate Paris Hilton, with a passion.
So its friday, and you are going out, you've let your beard stubble get way beyond the five o'clock shadow. DONT DRINK A TON OF COFFEE BEFORE YOU SHAVE. Word of the wise. Heres a few tips that can help you in your endeavor.
- Shaving while your in the shower is a must, FOR WOMEN. Are you sick of shaving? Try Super Hair Growth Inhibitor Recipe.
-For men shaving in the shower is a great idea, the hot water exfoliates the skin and opens pores, lather on some soap for a while before you shave, and notice how easy shaving becomes.
-I use Aveeno shaving cream with oatmeal, which in my opinion is the best shaving cream ever. Dispute me.
-Throw out that razor you used for 2 weeks, razors should only be used 3-4 times, otherwise they dull out and cause major cuts and scraps.
-Shave along the grain first, then against the grain for an ultra smooth close shave.
I learned all that, and much more from The Stylish Man
God damn people with their Ipods and Iphones walking everywhere with them implanted in their head. Ever notice when you listening to your Ipod/Iphone everything seems epic, it doesnt matter what your doing. This morning I was listening to The Killers new album Sawdust, which is a great cd, and I had been brushing my teeth, all of a sudden I felt I was on a mission. I felt like I was in a movie. Its as if listening to music while you do something makes it seem epic.
Im Dave and Im a Jerk...This is my blog.
